One of thoses days again, but its bunched all into a moment!

So My husband comes home tonight after working all day, he walks through the house on the phone talking with one of who i believed to be a sister. I didnt quite understand the 100 mile an hour spanish. So then after making him a plate of food and settleing in on the couch he decides to tell me so Sylvia (hs sister) says we are going to have another nephew. I said "what?" i didnt know if he said she was or we were so, he then anwsers what do you think? What shes pregnant? i said with the tears building up behind my eyes tears of ANGER that is. AND THEN TO MAKE IT ALL THE WORSE he says his other sister is now trying as well becasue his brother in law threw out her birth control pills. At frst i was just angry and he knew so he tried comforting me by saying maybe us too!! ha ha im not falling for that stupid joke/trick/mean ass husband!! So then my emotion that i felt after wanting to kill him and hs sisters was jealousy over how they are going to become pregnant way easier then me. I dont even know if this is true but i am alredy jelous of them being able to casually have "relations" and be able to be pregnant. Yes i do remeber i am the only one trying and that the result will be a hardr than if we were both trying, but reallly, REALLY !! DO YOU HAVE TO tell me this and then have little or no or even mocking sympothy for me, thats how he acted.


CAN YOU TELL I AM PISSED REALLY I AM USING CAPITOL LETTERS IN HOPES THAT YOU KNOW I AM SCREAMING AT THE WORLD!!!!!

My life in 10, the way its going now.

In ten years, with a mixture of what i want, what i wish, and what i think is inevitable, I will be in Colombia with my husband. We will have been living there for quite a while in my dream house just outside the city i mean outside the ciudad.. I will have hopefully two children and in ten years i will be 34 so i hope to have children who are 8 and younger. I word it like this because how i feel now if i have an 8 year old then i will have what i want, and so any that come after are a bonus. This also all depends on when i actually left for colombia becasue i will be having children in the United States so that my parents will get the joy of being grandparents for at least a couple years. Back in Colombia, I will have a farm, with horses and cows and goats or should i say caballos, vacas, y chivas. I want to say chickens because we could make a lot of money off of thier eggs i mean thier heuvos, but i fear chickens i hate them and they play a good role in my life right now as food and only food. Dont worry i will have a good sense and a good understanding of doctors, schools, government and police i mean policia. As i was speaking a little bit about the doctors in colombia the other day, there is no way right now as an american who has live in the US all her life how am i suppose to just let my guard down and believe what a doctor tells me who is colombian, when i dont even believe my own doctor sometimes. I am sorry nooo waaay. I did 3 years ago when coming back from my first visit to colombia sit next to this nice man on the airplane. He told me he had grown up in the US until he was about 14, then he moved to colombia, now i cant believe i am remebering all this so clearly but i he stated the he was so glad that he got to finish school in colombia becasue there he bacame something and he says that if he had stayed in the us he would have gone on and tried to become a rock star he had a passion for the guitar. At first i was confused and questioned why it was better to go away from our dream. He later explained even though rock star was his dream its not guaranteed and an education is and so by going to colombiaa he was better perpared for a life of wealth rather then being here on the slight chance that he would be playing in some beat up hole in the wall and some scout would come prancing in and hear his next big time playing the star spangld banner on electric guitar. I agreed with him then and so he detailed more about how the schools in colombia are very good, the only thing that erks me is that they all have to wear uniforms. I did not wear one when i was going and i just dont believe in that but i guess take the good with the bad. I know its only one guys opinion but i have a little back on this, see my husband was taken out of school in third grade becasue his father lost his arm i mean his padre lost his brazo. To this day my husband recites things that he learned in those three years, yes three years they dont have kindergarten, and it amazes me what he learned in just that time period. I know i did not learn the equivelant in my four years. I think i heard something like he went back for two years after his fathers armgot reattached so maybe he has 5 years.
Oh i forgot i will definetly have a dog. In fact i want a perro now! they are so adorable and loving. I have two cats that are 20 pounds each so its like having a dog only they reek of cat urine. litter boxes are really the obly reason i am not a cat person even though i have two gatos. DOS GATOS. i love my kitties but i would trade them in for a dog I LOVE DOGS MORE. (mas). i hope you not wating for me to ask a question and then write that in spanish , i dont have the upsidse down question marks!!
so i have to admit this blog is running away from the title and that may just becasue i am watching CSI NY while writing it and although i came up with this title a couple days ago i just still dont have the writing feeling. I want to
now i titled this the way its going now becasuse there will be a part dos the way it might have gone please stay tuned for that it will be better its more of the fantasy not the reality.

Just One of those days...

So today started to be a normal day, with a meeting for work at 9 30 am (that not so normal) a screaming baby in my house (that not so normal) and my husband gone out somewhere... (this very normal).
Well i guess not so normal, and of course after i baby sit the cutest 6 month old baby girl ever it makes me think to myself like i have for the past serveral months, and then even for the past couple years. Am i ever going to have a baby? I first have to say that there are people out there who have tried and are trying and taking all the steps and are into the process way furhter and more dedicated then i am as of now. This is for the main reason of my husband not wanting a child and me desperatley seeking the plus sign at the end of each month. Sometimes i think can i really be successful and i say "i" becasue remember only one of us is trying. This is a very confusing topic and maybe i will dscuss later in a future blog. Back to the people who are way more endebted to this then i am. First i have a friend who actually got me to start this blog and like her, felt so much better to be able to express things with this blog, and for me with the chance of someone reading and hopefully it inspires or just entertains. My heart completley goes out to those of you who have been TTC for many years and who have done all the steps and still have come up without a blessing. I still have to write what i feel and today accompanied by others in the past and i know more in the future i feel the same way my friend feels in some of her blogs and probably all the time outside of blog world. I cant help but feel bad becasue she has benthrough so much more then me and so havent so many others. I am not even oficially trying yet and i am frustrated, feel alone and despertly want a child. I cant help but wonder if people out there that dont go through infertility really understand (not that i have gone through yet or even will) but the other day i was with my husbands sister who has two children and they were both concieved acciedently...love it!! She asked me and knows that i want children very badly, do i want a boy or a girl? At first i was like a girl , an immediate response to what i believe would make me happy, then later like 30 seconds later i thought wait, why the hell would you ask me that it dosent matter to me if i have a boy or a girl or a frikken panda for all that matters. I JUST WANT A KID. Tis kind of rage that i have and have felt for several months i just dont understand and again feel bad and feel like i dont deserve to feel this way becasue who knows why i havent gotten pregnant yet. I have not had any tests besides my thyroid, becasue this was the only one my insirance covers and so yes i found out its at .84 which is some shape or form means its fine. Yea! but really how much does that affect the fertility process. I truly do feel that to those that are close to me that have been trying and trying that they are deservant if this is a word. I really hope and pray that the people that deserve to have a baby, the people that weould be great parents, mothers and fathers, not the people who had one night stand or the poeple who were careless, this makes me very sad and confused as to how it all works, whether it is a god who has control or something else i just want fairness to all.

And what i think is fair to start with, is definetly a certain someone :) getting pregnant and starting a family. Aiden be thy name.

I am sorry for this blog has not been humerous to say the least but really its just been one of those days.

My Frikken Job

Seriously, This is not how I envisioned my second blog, offical first becasue the intro is not suppose to count. I just got home from a local hang with a local bud...and i decided to write at 1 in the am. whatever right? Well I have of course come into a blank maybe "writers block" sine i have started my blog. So anytime is good time to start writing my what will become famous stardom to reality/sitcom. I know its only been a day but it seems like i had all these ideas when i first started it.
Well heres this one
I worked a double today and so you know i am a server at a chain resturaunt here in my town. If you have or are working as a server then you will know what this blog will entail considering the fact that i was at the restaurant from 1030 in the am til almost 10 at night.

Here is the first dose of what you might excpect as a server.

You come in to the restaurant and and of course its not set up properly from the night before, either there are no towels ready or silverware needs to be rolled or my favorite LEMONS. Well that might not be everywhere so you servers out there reading this might be lost, please stay please read on ti wil get better.

Here is the second dose of what you might encounter on a typical day of serving. This is my absolute favorite and sometimes it keeps me going and sometimes i want a REAL job becasue of it.

Me: "Are we all ready to order?"
My guests: " Yes"
Me: "Ok, what can i get for you?" Looking at one inpaticular guest
My guests: "I will have the steak."

Pause for un momento. Ok I work at a steakhouse for all you out there wondering and when a guests says they want a steak its like walking in to a Hair Salon and saying "Um, yeah, I think i want the haircut today." Seriously people.

Ok i have only had one person say those actual words but this one is more like what you might have expierenced.

"What can i get you?"
"I will have the sirloin."

They stop, you look at them and they look at the next person, now do they look at the other person like they are done? or do they look at the other person for moral support. After doing this for six years, i have come to conclusion that they definetly think they are done. ok, so if i could do what i have really so desperatley wanted to do for so many long dragged ot years, ii would say ok, and they go on to the next person. So when their food comes out it is a sirloin. Period.

"Oh, and how did you want that cooked?
and it comes with a side and salad sir"
"What do you have for sides?" he says
well Baked Potato, Mashed, as my list goes on the tone in my voice gets more aggrevated. Did you know that the sides are listed in the menu...de de di
...wait for it my favorite part...
And salad sir, would oyu like the garden or the ceaser?
"I will have the garden"
Here, again is that annoying look down at the guest and they look over to the next person lilke they are done. REALLY ok i will get you a salad with no dressing, sorry to late you have a 30 minute time limit when you order food here at whatever the name on the door is. I have been here so long i cant recall.

No, really guests are relentless. I dont care how long they have been going to the same restaurant and even been sitting in the same booth. They will still say "Can i have a Pepsi "
my never ending response
"Is coke alright?"
If you have been going to this restaurant for however long you aspire to have come here then shouldnt you know we serve coke products. Which by the way does not include PEPSI

Oh and Do you have sweet potatoes today? REALLY once AGAIN. If we didnt have them they would not be on the menu.


OK. There ar eso many other exciting i guess cliches, you'd call them. but my time is precious and id like to use it for sleep at the moment. Look for my Frikken job part 2.